Motherhood, so far (Part 2)
Last night, as I looked down at Carter as we spun in circles
singing ‘Ring Around the Rosie,’ I was overcome with such incredible feelings
for this boy. Feelings of love, of pride, of joy, of… I can’t even truly put it
into words. His big blue eyes looking up at me, and that beautiful smile on his
face… My heart suddenly felt fuller than
it ever has, and joy radiated through my body. This child. My son. Woah.
It caused me to reflect on the amazement of motherhood, and
reminded me I had blogged about it when I was a wee 3 weeks into this
gig. I looked back at that post, and while I focused mostly on how I was
physically and mentally adjusting to the responsibility of being a mother to a
newborn (and let's face it, really had no idea what I was in for), I did comment on the crazy amount of LOVE and JOY that comes along with
it. And I’d have to say that this feeling has only multiplied at least 800
times since then.
I find these moments where I feel overcome with these feelings are more and more frequent the past few months. I’ve wondered why. It could be that the earlier days were more sleep-deprived and challenging and I was focused on survival. Or it could be that Carter is simply at the age now where he’s learning so much and developing into his own little person that lends itself to feeling all sentimental and proud.
I find these moments where I feel overcome with these feelings are more and more frequent the past few months. I’ve wondered why. It could be that the earlier days were more sleep-deprived and challenging and I was focused on survival. Or it could be that Carter is simply at the age now where he’s learning so much and developing into his own little person that lends itself to feeling all sentimental and proud.
Like the other night when Jon and I were singing him ‘Twinkle
Twinkle’ he joined in by making all sorts of nonsensical sounds in different
pitches. Or when he drags over our shoes and points to the door as we prepare
to head out of the house. Or the time I asked for a hug and he ran over with a mischievous
look and planted a big kiss on my lips instead. Or the way he beams when he successfully
assembles his stacking blocks in the correct order. Or how he says, “moah” so
proudly in his chirpy little voice when he wants more. Or better yet, "hot dog" when asked if he wants pizza.
All little moments that made me feel so happy and blessed
and proud. To be a mother. To have him as my son. To get to do this thing
called life together, with his daddy. I’ve felt this since Day 1, but he’s
giving me more and more moments to remember it.
I have to say this stage in motherhood is just amazing. I’m
told that it gets more and more rewarding as they grow, which is hard to
believe considering how great it feels now. But I’ll look forward to it!
Oh man Lisa, he is one beautiful little boy and the smile on your face shows just how much in love you are with him! Motherhood is amazing (and trying, stressful, hard and tiring at times). I wouldn't give up being a mom for anything else, it is a reward that you just cant understand until you are living it. You are and Jon are such great parents, Carter is one lucky little boy!
ReplyDeleteLisa, what a sweet post! I've taken a step back from the blogging world in 2016 and haven't kept up with your posts. Summer is just a few days away, and moving into our house in just a few weeks... I look forward to catching up on your blog.
ReplyDeleteI remember having thoughts with Olivia when she got a little older (I can't remember her age) but thinking how intense my love for her was. I realized too that it was many times more than when she was a baby. I caught myself wondering why, and feeling bad that I didn't feel that same level of love for her when she was just born and wishing that I had. Not sure why that was. Maybe it's like with anyone... When we spend more time with them and get to know them more, our love for them grows. If that's the case, gosh will graduation day be tough!