Life Lately

I feel like my life is a high-speed train right now, barely pausing to take a breather. I suppose parenthood will feel that way. I mean, yes there are moments that feel never-ending. Like the 30 minutes before bedtime when Carter barely napped at daycare and I can't set him down but yet he tries to wiggle out of my arms and nothing will appease him? Those minutes are looooong. But because I don’t get to spend every day all day with him, I still manage to cherish even those sort-of-painful minutes because sometimes they are my only minutes with him (awake). And the times when Carter has suddenly developed a new trick (aka life skill) that he had never done before remind me that this time is truly fleeting. What a dichotomy, this thing called time.

And what a magnificently beautiful little boy I have. :)

I've been back at work for over 3 months now. It sort of feels like I never left, although the 5 photos of Carter I have at my desk remind me I did. Also, I occasionally get flashbacks of waddling around the halls super pregnant (and self-conscious that I am still waddling). We've got our work-week system down, though Carter likes to throw a wrench in it from time to time. I get to drop-off and pick-up 1-2 days a week, and gosh do I love it. Carter gets so excited when he sees me, even though he has clearly had a great day. Lately, he grabs hold of my neck in one hand and my hair in the other (yeah, ouch) and pulls his wide-open mouth to my cheek for a big slobbery kiss. It is just about the sweetest thing in the world and makes me feel like such a proud mama. (Then he wiggles and whines because he wants to be a big kid and run).

Since being back at work, I've been trying to cut back on my spending. You know, now that I have to budget for daycare and diapers and all that lovely stuff. Lunches are a small but doable place to start. I'm obsessed with Jimmy Johns #12 sandwich, so I treat myself to one just about every single week. It pains me to spend almost $7 on a sandwich for lunch (gosh I can be frugal), but at least it is a decent size and fairly filling (or it used to be, now that nursing makes me ravenous at all hours of the day). The other days of the week I opt for cheaper options, or leftovers if I’m lucky enough to have cooked the night before. (Ha). Also, Jon and I are newly obsessed with Hard Apple Cider. And grilling. (That's not new).

Speaking of spending, we are currently looking for a new family car! Mine has been so good to me, but is probably nearing its last legs and I want something more reliable before winter. Driving it until it’s dead sounds economical and a tad inconvenient – but add a baby to the mix (in the car, or home waiting for mama) and it sounds like a stupid idea. I’m sure I could squeeze a few more months out of it, but this fall is our target. I’m super excited! Not for the car payment, nor for having to actually pick out the perfect car for us (Crossover? Sedan? Gas mileage? Cargo space? Too many choices), but for the fun part of getting to drive a new(-to-me?) car with features like automatic start, heated seats, or dare I say, navigation. My husband is the researcher of the family, so he’s deciphering spec sheets, analyzing pricing, and reviewing safety standards. I’ll join in for the fun part (test driving) and the actual final decision, per usual. ;)

Over the last two weeks I got some awesome 5-6 hour stretches of solid sleep. Hallelujah! I honestly felt like a brand new person in the mornings, and I am amazed at how less foggy I can be. We won't dwell on the fact that I have been going to bed at 9pm. Or that I still feel so "off" and wonder if this is my new normal. OR that Carter just came down with a cold and we are back to multiple wake-ups.

Despite more sleep, my memory is still faulty. This bothers me to no end. I used to pride myself in remembering things. Last week we stayed over at my parents for the night. I made a list, checked it at least 8 times, and was so proud of myself for getting out the door on time with everything that morning. Only to discover that I had forgotten the camera component for the video monitor. I got upset at Jon for having left for work 'on time' (the nerve) so he couldn't grab it for us, and oh-my-gosh-how-are-we-going-to-survive? Ridiculous, I know. We did just fine without that precious camera (turns out baby boy can cry loud enough to hear several rooms away), and Jon calmed me by so perfectly pointing out that he would have forgotten way more than that. Major points for that response. Days later, we ran out of wipes after two very messy situations on the road and I scolded myself for not remembering to pack more wipes. And a few weeks ago I forgot to send nipples with the bottles. Sigh. Again, everyone survived. Maybe it’s not my memory that’s at fault but rather my need to do things perfectly? ;)

Summer is here and I am so excited! I have big plans for us. There's something about summer and kids that has me all hyped up for it. And perhaps having spent most of the winter holed up at home with a newborn has given me the extra nudge to want to do all things outside. First on our list: I want to bring Carter to the pool. He loves splashing around in the bath, and I am so eager to see his reaction in a giant pool. Also, I'd love to make a trip to a local beach. Again, mostly to see Carter's reaction to the sand and the water and new environment, because man-oh-man I could watch his face study and absorb and enjoy all day long. And it'd be a fun photo op. And to have an excuse to hang out at the beach, a place I have sort of shied away from while childless because they always seem to be a 'kid thing' to do. Then there are walks, parks, swings, picnics, photos, playdates, golfing...we have a lot to accomplish during Carter's first summer. I know he won't remember a lick of it. (At this rate, I probably won't either). But there will be fun to be had, and photos to look back on. 

We spent our first night away from Carter a couple of weeks ago. I'll admit I was sort of terrified. Not that my mother-in-law wasn't capable or that Carter would suffer. But what would he think when he woke in the wee hours of the morning expecting me (aka my boob)? Would he hate the bottle, or freak out while waiting for the bottle to be ready? Would either of them get any sleep? Would she know how to bounce him just 'so' and lay him on his side like he likes it? Of course, my worries were unnecessary. He might have realized I was gone but he didn't let it bother him. They had a blast, and maybe more importantly, we had a blast. We wined and dined ourselves silly. Now, for our next trip away, 2 nights and 3 full days...the anxiety is starting to build... Alicia said it best: these babies feel like extra body parts, and you feel weird without them. Amen, sister. 

I'm on a Netflix kick again. I've been watching 10-15 minute increments while I pump at work and usually as I nurse Carter in the evening. I've finished Drop Dead Diva and Chasing Life, and am now reluctantly watching "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" because it popped up recommended and I don't have the energy to search for something better. But Jon and I are thrilled that Orange is the New Black is back and have been watching it most evenings.

Last weekend we went golfing with my parents. My cousin was dying (like I'm pretty sure almost in the literal sense) to babysit. It was a beautiful day and felt so great to be out on the course. My dad beat us all, no surprise, but we all had a blast. And Carter was doted on and brought to the park and had loads of fun as well. Win-win.

And that has been my life lately. Mostly all things Carter-related...with work, bad memory, car shopping, and Netflix sprinkled in.