Baby #2 | 33 weeks

Little lady is now 33 weeks along. She will arrive in just ‘a matter of weeks’ now, and that is mind boggling.

I am starting to feel a bit anxious about her arrival, for several reasons. One, I don’t have anything ready for her. Her room, while free from the former clutter, is still just an office. Her crib and dresser are unassembled. Her walls are unpainted. Her generous hand-me-down clothes are still boxed up in the closet, untouched. Her car seat is still packaged up. I did wash a few items for her to have in the hospital: a blanket and a going home outfit. That’s about it. I think I had Carter’s room completely ready for him by the time I was 30 weeks. Eh, second children. I know that her room isn’t critical to her arrival, but I think I will feel less anxious if I can have some sort of organization and preparedness for HER room, HER space, HER stuff.

Fortunately, I now have a plan in place to feel a bit more organized, thanks to an encouraging friend. She’s even showing up, paintbrush in hand, to help make it all happen. She's that great. 

Two, I’m anxious about how her arrival will go down. Will we have to initiate our middle-of-the-night plans to hand off Carter? Will I make it to the hospital on time? Will my friend Kate make it in for her delivery or will we have a nurse we don’t know? (I’m not feeling anxious about having a new nurse…just hate not knowing which way it’ll be). Will it be on a Tuesday so I can have my awesome OB deliver instead of the crabby one like last time? Will she arrive as swiftly as Carter did, or will I have a marathon labor this time like my sister did? Will I be stuck at work when my contractions start? When will all this happen? I know this is par for the course. But still. Can’t stop these questions from constantly filtering through my mind.

Three, I’m anxious about how Carter will react to her. I strongly suspect he will be intrigued and infatuated with her to start. But when he realizes she is moving in with us, and going to require a lot of Mama’s attention, I imagine the jealousy and acting out will begin. I really want to guard his feelings and protect him, and I hope we can all help ease him into this change (when in fact we are throwing him into it).

And lastly, I’m anxious about meeting HER. Anxious in a completely enthusiastic (non-concerning) way, that is. I can’t wait to lay my eyes on her little face, see how similar or different she is from her brother, feel her in my arms, smooch her cheeks and breathe in her newborn smell. Gah. It’s so magical. And I so look forward to those first moments again.

Other than anxiety, I’m feeling… tired. Sore. Fat. It could be that I’m 36 years old and no spring chicken to be gestating a baby. It could be that I’m chasing after an active 2-year-old and occasionally carrying around an extra 30 lbs because it’s just easier than the whining. Maybe I’m feeling exactly like I did at this point last pregnancy, and I just don’t remember it. In any case, I keep telling people that ask how I’m feeling, “I feel fine, but I’m ready to not be pregnant anymore.” Of course I’m also not quite ready to have a newborn here, and want her to keep growing inside for at least several more weeks. I’ve got things to get done! But to sleep on my stomach or back, and enjoy a big glass of wine, and have my body back? Soon please.

Ha. My body won’t be back to myself for another year (hopefully) if we make it that long nursing.

Jon delicately brought up to me that someone commented to him how I am already starting to waddle. He thought I might be sensitive about that, but I own up to it with no shame. The old pelvis is loosening up and the belly is weighing me down, so waddling is inevitable. I’m embracing it.

I’m waiting for the nesting to really kick in. I’ve had small bursts so far (scrubbing our tub during my lunch hour) but not enough to get me through a lot on my list. I need the energy to get through it all. 

On to Baby Girl. She’s now head-down, thankfully, and twisting and kicking up a storm. I swear she’s trying to make an exit through my belly button some days. She seems to be most active on my morning commute (yay, please enjoy car rides like your brother) and in the evenings both during story time and when I crash on the couch. She’s been fairly nice to be during the nights, although has her moments where she’s shuddering or shaking or who knows what and my belly is bouncing all over as I try to sleep. Hiccups are daily, and she occasionally (with what I assume to be her hands) punches my bladder so hard it’s real pain.

And that’s where we’re at. Unprepared, but so eager to meet her.