Last days of pregnancy

I say last "days" hoping it is just a matter of days, but it could be another two weeks. Eeesh. I'm doing just fine, and shouldn't be thinking about the timing.

But I am, for both emotional and superficial reasons.  Emotionally, I am just done with this pregnancy and really eager to meet my child and know who he/she is. I'm ready to hold him/her in my arms, give them the name we picked out, and take them home to cuddle forever. It's such a wild thought that I write this now and could be holding my baby tomorrow (or, if I'm anything like my sister, a few hours from now). I can't wait. And superficially? I don't want my child to have a birthday super close to Christmas. And I would love to feel a bit settled in with the new babe before our family holiday festivities begin. I know, it's silly. Clearly, this child will arrive when he/she is meant to, and ready. And if that means it is on December 23rd, I just have to accept that. My child will not be scarred for life, and all will be fine. But it sure seems like it'd be easier if there was a little more spacing in between birthday and holiday... Just sayin'.

39 weeks

I've noticed that the baby is super active during my morning and evening commutes. Without fail. I'm not sure if this means the baby likes being in the car, and dances around in celebration, or if I should be fearful that the motion doesn't calm him/her down and agitates instead. Let's hope the former. Regardless, all the movement leaves me feeling so reassured, and still in awe that it is my child in there.

I'm pretty sure this baby will think his/her name is Baby, because we constantly say "Hi Baby," particularly when I feel him/her move. Even though we have both gender names picked out and agreed upon, it feels odd to talk to my belly using both names, and dare I only use the girl name Jon quickly chimes in with the boy's. I told him that he should start using the girl name occasionally, or if it's a 'she' she will have a complex always being called the boy name by Dad. Ha, as if the baby understands English, or the noises that it hears on the outside. 

I am loving my baby bump, especially nowadays in its large, ehm, glory. I have found myself taking a lot of photos to capture the growth and change in shape, most of them going nowhere but an archive folder on my computer. Several will make it into a pregnancy book I'm working on. Here are a couple of comparisons of how fast my bump has changed. Like woah.

  

I keep trying to capture the crazy movements on video, but wouldn't you know, the baby stops moving the second I press record. Stinker.

My body is tired. Dunzo. I know the tiredness is only beginning in this next step of motherhood, but I think I'd rather be sleep deprived because of the baby and not because my body is so uncomfortable. Perhaps I'll eat my words later, but for now? Yes, that's how I feel. I don't want to admit that I might be feeling better had I been working out more regularly in this last trimester, so I won't.

I've had multiple people, two strangers included, tell me I look so small and couldn't believe I was as far along as I am. I feel the opposite of small, and the scale would certainly agree, so I have bottled up these compliments for reference when I need a boost. Like, after getting weighed at the clinic, or failing to fit into a pair of boots, or tugging on a shirt to keep my belly covered.

I find my mind racing with thoughts on parenting a newborn. I've read several books/articles on the topic, all of varying recommendations and approaches. Plus I've observed and heard many stories and suggestions from friends. I'm not sure where we will fit in. My Bradley instructor said we should wear our baby at all times, nurse only on cue, co-sleep, and never swaddle unless the hands are free. A newborn class we are taking through a friend's church recommends nursing based on cue and schedule, no sleep aids, no co-sleeping, and yes to swaddling. Other books advise similar yet different approaches. My mind spins. I know we'll go with our gut, and will figure out what is right for our child and what we believe in as we go about this new gig, but I can't say hearing about so many different approaches doesn't stress me out a bit. Every one claims a benefit over another. The last thing I want to do is screw up this kid or make our lives more difficult than they need to be.

Yes, another thought often on my mind. We are going to be raising this child, shaping who they are, guiding them to be there best. If that isn't pressure at it's greatest I don't know what is. And yet as daunting as that all sounds, I'm so excited for it. SO excited.

And now we wait. I'm not good at waiting. :)